...That's What She Said

Pssssssst.... lean in a little closer.  It's time for some confessions.  Brought to you in part by the wonderful Jackie @Bouquet of Books and Dani @Entertaining Interests (Click the photo link above for more details.).

This blogfest was not only fun to work on, but rather challenging, too! You see, I have the option to dig waaaaaaaaay back into the past, or simply think back to yesterday to find a confession to share with you.  That's the beauty in living just outside the box of "normal", I suppose.  Outside of IWSG each month (or nearly every month in my case), I haven't participated in a blog hop in a while.  Therefore, I feel it is my duty... nay, my supreme responsibility... to over-share.  That's right, folks... it's a Top 5 List for your reading pleasure.  So without further adieu, in chronological order, here are my confessions (narrowed down from 20 original ideas, yikes!):

1.)  When I was nine years old, I joined a scooter gang. Living in a ghetto suburb of Miami, there was an abundance of trouble to get into. My father worked late and I walked home from elementary school daily, just 5 blocks away, but still an obstacle course of would-be kidnappers... to find my stepmother asleep on the couch with the witty banter of The Golden Girls as the only sound in the house. Instead of doing my homework, I would sneak out to meet the neighborhood kids. Lucky for me since I didn't know how to ride a bike, the preferred method of travel was by scooter. Mine was purple. Every day, we scooted to the Cumberland Farms convenience store. And I would steal *gasp* yes, steal a green apple or cherry flavored Jolly Rancher. We're not talking the little individually wrapped rectangle shaped ones, either. I took the long, flat ones that cost $0.25 each. I think I made off with at least $50 in those things over the course of that school year. And worse yet, I can't find them anywhere these days to actually buy them. Perhaps that's part of my punishment.

2.)  When I was twelve, I dismissed a kind boy's Valentine for misspelling my name and laughed at him when he tried to hold my hand incorrectly because I knew we were being watched by the entire class. At age thirteen, I gave a perfectly nice boy the cold shoulder after two popular girls called him "chubby".  This, after said boy and his family had taken me to Disney World for my birthday.  I was mean and cold for all the wrong reasons.  These were the first times I was faced with the split decision of being accepted by the "cool" crowd in school versus being a good person no matter the result.  I chose wrong in both scenarios and it haunted me through the rest of my school days... where I found myself outcast from those cheerleader girls and not one single boyfriend until high school was nearly over.  

3.)  I was 26 and I had a pretty fancy car for my age.  It was a lease that I worked hard to pay for, but I drove it like I stole it.  One such instance was on the way home from a Jet concert, where I had the top down, "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" blaring through my Bose speakers, and a good friend's boyfriend in my passenger seat.  Now, before you jump to conclusions, this confession isn't about the guy.  My friend had encouraged the outing since she wasn't a fan of the music and while he did try to kiss me, that aspect was fully revealed to the grateful friend who used it as a reason to finally break-up with her questionable partner. So, back to the confession. Obviously, I was showing off in my James Bond-esque vehicle, taking hairpin turns at three times the speed limit through some side streets at 2:00 am... and as one would expect, I didn't have time to make adjustments before seeing red & blue flashing lights pull out behind me.  Me, being young and not of sound judgment, decided it would be better not to stop.  The details of my high speed chase that ended in a movie-like cloud of dust at a construction site will be featured in my book, but my confession is that I was so shaken up by my risky escape (yes, I got away with it) that I cried about how I didn't want my family to see me on Cops for over an hour before I gathered up the courage to put the keys back in the ignition and finish my drive home... slowly.  When stupidity settles in and adrenaline dies down, one's true colors tend to come out.  And mine was the black of my eyeliner that completely covered my tear-streaked face, flushed with embarrassment.  I often wonder if anyone is as fearless as they make themselves out to be.

4.)  I eventually settled down, climbed the corporate ladder, got married.  And after that, I found myself pregnant with my one and only son.  During those nine months, I hated nearly every minute of it.  I referred to my unborn child as an "alien parasite" regularly.  It was meant to be a joke as I was not one of those "look at me, I'm glowing with creation and love it" preggos... Nope, I was a sweaty hippopotamus who couldn't fit into shoes.  I was grumpy and mad all the time... granted, it was August in Florida, but still... I went above and beyond the call of standard hormonal imbalance.  But after my baby arrived and I fell in love with him more than I thought possible, I regretted making those jokes.  I still do.  And now that he's 4 and can make sarcastic comments to his parents, I often wonder how much of that was absorbed through the womb.

5.)  On Monday, yes, as in just this past week, I took my dog on a long nature hike through the trails behind our development.  Since she's at least 50% water dog, I thought she might like to check out the lake. Unfortunately, what looked like a solid bank turned out to be two feet of soft mud that was only dry on the topmost layer.  Needless to day, my yellow dog turned black from paws to hips.  Being out of work this summer, the family budget is rather tight.  So, when I see the opportunity for a free dog-wash, I'm going to take it.  If you add a revenge aspect into the mix, a little spark from my old life might get ignited.  It was the first day of school, so the entire complex was vacant.  No one was in the gym and the pool was empty.  This is one of several different pools, mind you... and this one is the super cool, fancy infinity pool with a waterfall and a hot tub that I never get to go to because it's typically full of beer drinking, foul mouthed twenty-somethings.  Instead, my little family gets banished to the small, boring pool behind our townhouse. It has some decorative rocks on the side. Whoopdie-doo, right? Anyway, back to the situation at hand.  I looked down at my disgusting dog, then at the sparkling off-limits pool area.  And I think you can guess what happened next.  Yup, I'm the jerk that clogged the community hot tub with mud and dog hair.  But hey, I was twenty once... so I justify this act by saying that there are far worse things that have probably clogged up a hot tub.

There you have it... five randomly selected confessions, past and present.  Please feel free to share a comment if you aren't completely put off by what a horrible, rule-breaking person I am!  In the meantime, I simply cannot wait to hop to some of the other blogs to see what other secrets people have chosen to reveal.  Click the link above to join in our naughty fun ;-)