...That's What She Said

Some days I feel like myself… like the girl I was one year ago, two years ago. Other days I feel as though every molecule of my being has completely morphed into something different. Some days I miss the girl I used to be. Other days I can't remember the woman existing before the one that is presently me.

In the midst of reading factual books to prepare myself for the upcoming arrival of my first born son, counting pennies, working, commuting and occasionally glancing back at various bits of nostalgia… a group of friends semi-secretly planned and organized a baby shower for me. Consumed with worry and fear about my rapidly approaching future, I gave little thought to the social gathering that was soon to be thrown in my honor. It wasn't until the day before the event that an idea struck me. The last party that someone else planned for me was my 10th birthday. The last party I had in my honor (planned by myself) was my 14th birthday. No one has ever thrown me a surprise party and each memorable group event in recent years was something that I was either mostly or wholly responsible for being in charge of. Since reconnecting with my mother, I've voluntarily spent my last six birthdays down in Miami eating dinner on the beach. Suddenly, I was awestruck. Four girls loved me enough as a friend to spend over a month of their lives planning a party for me. I think I spent that afternoon in a state of shock. The next day, the disbelief continued as I walked through the door and became engulfed in a sea of female family members and friends who wanted hugs… and to adorn me with 80's themed accessories. As an 80's music playlist (with highly concentrated doses of R.E.M.) emitted tunes from a nearby stereo, fishnet gloves, fluorescent hair extensions and gummy bracelets were passed around. There were balloons and streamers everywhere… and a specially ordered cake. I can't remember the last time someone had a professional cake made for me. I was overwhelmed by all the people who attended, by all the gifts that were given and by all the love that was expressed… and by some of the Pictionary artwork during game time. I lack the words to truly express how honored and grateful I felt that day. I was completely out of my element, not sure what to do as the center of attention and felt certain that I'd neglected conversations with certain people as my attention was drawn in so many different directions. After the party, I became worried that my gratitude was not apparent.

What I can say now is "thank you". Thank you for making me feel more connected and a part of something than I ever have on any club dance floor or any late Saturday night booze binge of the past. Thank you for showing me a level of generosity that I've never known. Thank you for giving me a day that reassured me that this 30 year old soon-to-be wife and mother is even more surrounded by friends and family than that 20 something girl (who always tried to be the support system to everyone else) ever was. Changes come easier and are less daunting when you're not going through them alone. To all the women who were at my shower (both physically and in spirit), please know that you gave me more than just a perfect baby shower… you gave me reassurance and comfort that everything is going to be alright and I'm right in the stage of life that I was meant to be in. The next six weeks will be a lot less scary because I have each one of you involved in my life. There's a saying that goes, "your friends are a reflection of you"... and if that's true, then I must presently be the very best I've ever been.

Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, stay tuned for photos… they're coming soon to a blog near you. Anyone who wasn't able to make it should really get a chance to see how incredibly fat I've gotten... I'm told a lot of it is "water weight"... who knew that water weight gathered in your face and neck? I sure didn't... my chins are now battling with my cankles for the title of least flattering body part. It's a tight race. Place your bets early because there are just (approximately) 44 days left to the finish line!