...That's What She Said

"When you develop an infatuation for someone, you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason, a bad one will do just as well. Taking photographs of the night sky, for example: in the long run that's just the kind of dumb irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But at the time - it's the charming eccentricity you've been searching for all these years." ~ Richard

How true, unsettling and sad this thought makes me. Perhaps it is the fact that there's a high chance that I'll have to visit my grandmother on my mother's side this Easter Sunday that has my perspective weighing in on the negative side. Whatever the reason, I am not feeling especially happy at this particular moment. I'm hearing the familiar "Back in my day" comments from good ol' Grandma running through my head. Is she right? Is my generation so selfish, spoiled and ungrateful that we're destined to be unsatisfied and/or unhappy with nearly everything? Do her constant jabs at my marital status as I near the age of thirty hold some credibility? I mean, why exactly are "things" different today? Just fifty years ago, people met in high school or college, got married by the age of twenty, found employment and stayed that way until one of them died. It seems like our society as a whole is now more self-centered and career oriented. Maybe this isn't true in small towns... maybe it's not true at all. However, it's been my personal experience a majority of people are constantly unhappy and constantly striving to achieve more success, more money, more material possessions, more recognition, more... whatever. When is it enough? Returning to the relationship aspect of all of this, when will we give up on the notion that the grass might be greener on the other side? As soon as the newness of the little quirks that made us notice a person wear off and these things evolve into annoyances that make us want to strangle them... we call it quits. This topic reminds me of a statement that will probably always remain as fresh in my mind as the day it was said to me. I was washing a car one sunny Sunday afternoon when I said to my fellow car washer, "I used to detail my car every Saturday without fail. I'd spend an hour alone polishing the wheels... but now that it's got that ugly dent in the side, I don't really care about taking good care of the car." My companion's response was, "That is the description of every relationship we've ever had." Nearly six months later, I still ponder that statement. I can't help but wonder if I still focus on the wrong goals despite all of my current happiness in relation to the person I've grown into and the person I've yet to become. Sometimes I question my belief that "everything happens for a reason". Sometimes I wonder if the people I've always considered as being those who've settled in life are happier then I am. Sometimes I wish there weren't so many directions to travel in... But... then there are the times when the constant motion of the world freezes for a moment as I relish a tiny little joy found in every day life. During those times, I don't think about society or how people treat one another or where I'll be in ten years... I only feel the now. I suppose we all have our own variations of happiness... and people just have to choose which they find the most contentment in and try to stick with it. The trouble is that once you've made your choice... you start to wonder about that other path not traveled... and you find yourself involved in a viscous round of the "what if?" game.

For those of you who do not have an opinionated old grandmother, count yourself lucky. Yes, I know... that was a horrible thing to say. Now take a deep breath and think of something beautiful to replace the thought of dead grandmas before you yell at me.