...That's What She Said

Back in January I came home from the pirate wedding with scurvy and passed it all around to my friends, so I guess it's only fair that I have the hiv now. I stayed away from Kathie as much as one can in a 2 bedroom apartment, but to no avail. Now I have the slight nose sniffle, slight fever and headache from hell... and since my last few blogs have been all fluffy and sweet, I thought perhaps I should remind my friends that my evil side still exists. Let me share the emotions involved with the beginning stages of this oncoming sickness. The main one is being annoyed. I'm annoyed when people are around and I'm annoyed when they're not. Yes, and it's worse then your normal day to day girl related indecisiveness. Another is anger... the type that could lead to violence... it goes hand in hand with the annoyance. I suppose examples are in order.

This morning as I was walking from my car to my building, some woman who was only a foot or two ahead of me let the door slam in my face. Nice. After I turn the corner, I see her face and I recognize her as the very same woman who didn't hold the elevator when she saw me walking towards it a couple of weeks ago. I look to the electronic screen that indicates what floor the elevator is on, which tells me that it's on seven... the top floor of my building. In the same odd fashion in which my crazy side took over and told me to run from a cop after speeding down Fairbanks last year, I quickly entered the stairwell and ran up to the second floor, came out, pushed the down button for the elevator, then ran to the third and did the same... I considered going on to the fourth, but my office is located on the third floor... and I was out of breath. Anyway, I took an immense amount of satisfaction knowing that inconsiderate bitch was still down there waiting for the elevator as I arrived at my desk.

So, then I'm at my desk attempting to breathe at a normal rate after my morning sprint up the stairs and I hear this noise... anyone who has kids or has been a babysitter or just been around them will know that some of them have this habit of humming nonsense when the wheels in their tiny heads are focusing on a task. It's not an actual song... it's some incoherent babble that they've made up... and it usually goes something like this, "hmm hmm laaa hmm laa looo hmmm laaa deee hmmm..." They do it just low enough to where you don't feel right asking them to be quiet, but loud enough to where you can't focus on anything else. I like to call it Chinese Humming Torture... which is not to be confused with some kinky Asian sex move, because that's a whole different blog. Anyway, this humming... it was coming from the other side of my wall. One of my co-workers has been doing it for the last forty minutes. I do not have my iPod headphones and listening to internet radio is not sufficient for drowning it out. Have you ever wanted to run with scissors and accidentally stab someone else and then blame it on the fact that you were running with scissors? Well, that's what it's like to have the hiv.

I'm wondering if Jonathan was right... maybe it's not the hiv... maybe one of the cats bit me in my sleep and I've contracted the T-virus. Maybe I am slowly dying and on my way to becoming a flesh eating zombie. I hope that I can hold off death for another day because I've really been looking forward to eating at Macaroni Grill for dinner tonight. Can you still enjoy Italian when you're undead? I mean the food, not the people... just wondering... I'm going to miss pasta.