...That's What She Said

I met a real b*tch last week & her name was Karma. Let me explain: A little over two weeks ago I noticed that the lady they moved near my desk at work had a problem. It was the type of problem that resulted in her moving to my side of the office... lucky me. One afternoon, not too long ago, I kept smelling an unpleasant odor. I immediately became self conscious. I've heard horror stories of people who've used the same type of deodorant for years and then one day their body decides it's immune to it and it just stops working. I feared this had happened to me and I tried to avoid people the remainder of the afternoon. That night, I stopped by the grocery store and purchased new deodorant and applied it the following morning as I got ready for another fun day at work. At approximately 2:00 PM, the mysterious odor returned. Freaked out, I sent a female coworker an email that read, "Coffee break- now!" When she arrived in the break room, I instantly got within an inch of her and asked her to smell me. She only responded with a puzzled and uncomfortable look. Again, I advised that it was important that she smell me and I asked what I smelled like. She sniffed and said that it was a faint smell of vanilla... thank God! Once she saw the look of relief on my face she knew what my problem had been. "It's So-And-So," she stated. I was shocked that she smelled it, too. She proceeded to tell me of the perils of other employees who had received the same nostril abuse at So-And-So's expense when she was seated on the other side of the office. Once we returned to our desks, the nonbusiness related emails continued. I mentioned I needed a fan, she suggested an "Oust" air freshener with a built in motorized fan, etc... without my knowledge, she emailed our immediate supervisor and inquired if something could be done. Various members of management have been made aware, but no one wants to say anything to So-And-So because she is a nice lady. The supervisor sent a response to both her and I that read, "Is it really that bad? I can't smell anything with this cold that I have," to which I replied, "The next time you pass my desk, could you please cough on me so that I may have your cold, too?" All parties involved shared a nice giggle and sure enough I was coughed on several times before the end of the day. The following Sunday I woke up with a sore throat. By Monday morning it felt as though I had swallowed glass. Nine days later I am still sick. Yes, Karma's a b*tch... but on the bright side, I can't smell a thing :-)