...That's What She Said

1. Flight from Orlando International to MIA. Long story made short: very thorough security check, window seat next to an old man who'd just had surgery and was a mouth breather and the most awesome sky my eyes have ever witnessed. The top of the clouds looked exactly like a squishy pillow-top mattress.

2. Arrival at mother's new condo on South Beach. Loved the building, the decor... but not so much the wiener dog pee on my suede boots.

3. Lunch, shopping, dinner, followed by more shopping on Lincoln Road. Fur and cowboy boots seem to be the latest fashion craze down there and I actually made someone push their dinner aside by commenting that it looked disturbingly similar to beef-a-roni vomit.

4. I was accosted by a persistent mime. He wouldn't let me pass so after a few shuffles back and forth on the sidewalk in front of many onlookers, I stomped on his shoe as hard as I could and finally he retreated. I've never liked mimes, but I couldn't think of a good reason... now I have one.

5. Gourmet breakfast on the beach. The wiener dog had his own chair at the table, I had a few mimosas with my eggs and toast and I very slyly convinced both my mother and her fiancé to have a pirate themed wedding... eye patches and all. I get to be the maid of honor/pirate wench.

6. The pirate my mother's going to marry is friends with the orchid guy that the movie Adaptation was based on. On my next visit, I'm allowed to bring any of my friends to see the Ghost Orchid. Who's with me?

7. The PT Loser wasn't nearly as ugly as I remembered it. The color isn't actually metallic poop (it's more of a dark gray then brown) and all the extra tacky add-ons and fake bullet holes have been removed. It may not be as fast or fun to drive as my Audi was, but I felt like I was driving home a big leather Lazy Boy recliner, which made the 4 hour drive pretty comfy... and I can now watch Napoleon Dynamite on the DVD player that's in the car whenever I'm stuck in rush hour traffic.

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend as much as I enjoyed mine. I learned something yesterday. There really is a silver lining to everything, if you know where to look... and in this case, it was chrome.