Word of the day: Equilibrioception (May 22, 2007)
Aside from martial arts experts, gymnasts, Buddhists and occasionally myself (when I'm on one of my insightful blogging kicks), I don't hear many people speaking of balance these days. Recent verbal conversations, emails, and third party observations have caused me to take notice of a common theme regarding the unhappiness in the world around me. By unhappiness, I do not mean complete misery, but rather sources of frustration or discontentment. While it may be common knowledge that seeking balance in life brings one peace, I think that many forget that balance doesn't necessarily have to be "an eye for an eye".
For example, I am familiar with a scenario where one friend gives monetary, verbal, and emotional support to another while only expecting to receive conversation and companionship in return. Imbalance only occurs in that situation when communication ceases for periods of time. It never has and will never have anything to do with money, support or effort... it's all really about cell phone minutes. To an outsider the whole thing may seem like an imbalance, but what matters are only the perceptions of the individuals involved. To provide an example from my own experience, there was a time when I felt as though I was paying for and providing food items more then I was receiving them in return. I became increasingly unhappy as I counted and kept track of the dollars over time. Then the realization hit me that what I was actually receiving in return was better then the price of meat at the grocery store. The return in my investment was appreciation, conversation and quality time. Placing value on these things enabled me to find balance in the situation. It all boiled down to my perception. I had another situation where I was loaning money and helping someone out through a rough spot. I sought the same rewards with the previous scenario, and while I was thanked, the conversation and quality time were both severely lacking. Due to this, I was unhappy and I actually haven't spoken to that person in a while. I've also applied this theory to my relationship with my mother. She buys me fancy things and I visit, call, send emails and offer my friendship. A few years ago I was very uncomfortable with receiving all the material gifts I have from her, until I reached the conclusion that she was getting what she needed out of the relationship, too. We are both happy. We have balance.
I've always sought balance in my art (symmetry), in my surroundings (my OCD), in my checkbook (duh) and in my feelings... however I didn't realize how easy it was to obtain it in that last area until I changed my expectations of which things carried weight and which didn't. The scales in my life rarely tip too far to one side now that I've balanced my thinking. Having come to these conclusions, I often wonder if the society I live in is suffering from a balance disorder. If a child sees another on one end of a see-saw, they instinctively know to hop on the other end of it. If a business person notices that the asset allocation in their investment portfolio has drifted away from their original target of financial planning, they will rebalance the portfolio without a second thought. If a friend feels slighted for giving more of something and has a running list of expenses, they are simply unhappy. Why is this last example so different from the first two? Are we generally too selfish to see outside of our own needs? Does factoring in emotions or feelings really override logic or instinct? As to the second, I suppose it does, but I think our lives as a whole would improve if we all gave differently or considered changing out perceptions when we felt a disharmony with another.
The bottom-line of my train of thought today is that I feel the majority of us have forgotten how to be thankful and appreciative of what we do have... we focus on the negative, or what we want that we aren't getting. However, the fact of the matter is that if you aren't happy with what you've already got (or are getting), you're surely not going to be happy with more of it. We should give as much as we are willing to share with others freely, and take whatever they offer back as repayment... it doesn't have to equal in material value, but rather the value you choose to place on it. In closing, I guess you could define "Tanya's Theory of Balance" as: possessing sincere and sustained gratitude for all levels of connections to people and things in one's life with the ability to shift one's perception to feel at peace with the contributions within one's relationships. Hey, I just now made that up and even I'm impressed with myself! (Note: That doesn't take much... anyone who knows me knows that I am my blog's biggest fan.) Upon reflecting on what I've written, I may opt to alter my definition, so please don't start quoting me on it just yet.
For example, I am familiar with a scenario where one friend gives monetary, verbal, and emotional support to another while only expecting to receive conversation and companionship in return. Imbalance only occurs in that situation when communication ceases for periods of time. It never has and will never have anything to do with money, support or effort... it's all really about cell phone minutes. To an outsider the whole thing may seem like an imbalance, but what matters are only the perceptions of the individuals involved. To provide an example from my own experience, there was a time when I felt as though I was paying for and providing food items more then I was receiving them in return. I became increasingly unhappy as I counted and kept track of the dollars over time. Then the realization hit me that what I was actually receiving in return was better then the price of meat at the grocery store. The return in my investment was appreciation, conversation and quality time. Placing value on these things enabled me to find balance in the situation. It all boiled down to my perception. I had another situation where I was loaning money and helping someone out through a rough spot. I sought the same rewards with the previous scenario, and while I was thanked, the conversation and quality time were both severely lacking. Due to this, I was unhappy and I actually haven't spoken to that person in a while. I've also applied this theory to my relationship with my mother. She buys me fancy things and I visit, call, send emails and offer my friendship. A few years ago I was very uncomfortable with receiving all the material gifts I have from her, until I reached the conclusion that she was getting what she needed out of the relationship, too. We are both happy. We have balance.
I've always sought balance in my art (symmetry), in my surroundings (my OCD), in my checkbook (duh) and in my feelings... however I didn't realize how easy it was to obtain it in that last area until I changed my expectations of which things carried weight and which didn't. The scales in my life rarely tip too far to one side now that I've balanced my thinking. Having come to these conclusions, I often wonder if the society I live in is suffering from a balance disorder. If a child sees another on one end of a see-saw, they instinctively know to hop on the other end of it. If a business person notices that the asset allocation in their investment portfolio has drifted away from their original target of financial planning, they will rebalance the portfolio without a second thought. If a friend feels slighted for giving more of something and has a running list of expenses, they are simply unhappy. Why is this last example so different from the first two? Are we generally too selfish to see outside of our own needs? Does factoring in emotions or feelings really override logic or instinct? As to the second, I suppose it does, but I think our lives as a whole would improve if we all gave differently or considered changing out perceptions when we felt a disharmony with another.
The bottom-line of my train of thought today is that I feel the majority of us have forgotten how to be thankful and appreciative of what we do have... we focus on the negative, or what we want that we aren't getting. However, the fact of the matter is that if you aren't happy with what you've already got (or are getting), you're surely not going to be happy with more of it. We should give as much as we are willing to share with others freely, and take whatever they offer back as repayment... it doesn't have to equal in material value, but rather the value you choose to place on it. In closing, I guess you could define "Tanya's Theory of Balance" as: possessing sincere and sustained gratitude for all levels of connections to people and things in one's life with the ability to shift one's perception to feel at peace with the contributions within one's relationships. Hey, I just now made that up and even I'm impressed with myself! (Note: That doesn't take much... anyone who knows me knows that I am my blog's biggest fan.) Upon reflecting on what I've written, I may opt to alter my definition, so please don't start quoting me on it just yet.
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