...That's What She Said

Since August, I've felt as though I've been standing on unstable ground with my core group of Orlando friends. I debated back and forth in my head about what the more effective tactics in handling situations might be. For instance, giving people space and letting them come to me versus chasing after people and pointing out their neglect. In the end, which turned out to be a new beginning (as such things always do), I gave up and ran away... repeating a negative pattern that started in my life when I was a teen. Clinging to just a few long-standing bonds and several brand new ones, I struggled to re-establish contact with my actual family, writing off the surrogate one I'd become a part of this year. As the weeks passed, I missed the friends who were off in other lands that I could no longer get to after burning bridges that once connected us. I sent letters... apologies... thoughts of love, honesty and pain. More weeks passed and I wondered if it was time to accept the fact it was too late to reverse the damage inflicted, too late to put an end to this vicious cycle in my life and change the pattern, too late to open up and win them back. Last night, I was told that a specific friend... one I considered a best friend... had forgotten that I was present when plans were proposed. Under the impression that lack of email, comments, texts and/or calls meant that my company was not missed, my presence was not desired and my friendship had become far less important then it once was... I allowed my thoughts to focus on the negative, to the point where it consumed all of my internal workings. All I could think about was every attempt of contact I'd made with every person in the last few weeks who'd neglected to offer a response. The only thing that hurts worse than a lover breaking your heart is when unanswered questions lead to doubting everything you've ever known about a friend. Crawling into bed, feeling very much in the dark despite the light still being on, I turned my cell phone back on... and two voice mails later, I was drifting off to sleep with tears in my eyes and an ear to ear grin spread across my face. Another best friend, from years ago who now lives over a thousand miles away, called and left "The Late Greats" and "Heavy Metal Drummer" as messages for me from the Wilco concert that evening. The sound quality was better than one would expect from a call being placed at a live show... and I could actually feel the energy flowing from the cheering crowd through the air waves and into my ear. Memories of the Wilco show that we'd seen together over a year ago flooded back to me. Not only did my dear friend remember how much I love Wilco... but he remembered me by calling so that I could listen in and share the experience. I was not forgotten. Sometimes the Universe is kind enough to give us a little kick in the pants when we're focused on the wrong thing. Sometimes one thoughtful act will brighten someone's day during a time when they need it the most. Sometimes it's possible to be happy even when some of the people you're thinking about the most aren't thinking about you... because sometimes it just takes a little more time for them to come around.