...That's What She Said

This is my mother. I knew her until I was one year old and then she was gone. I "officially" met her in the spring of 2001 after an internet search, a couple of months of emails and a surprise Fed-Ex delivery of a plane ticket. She took this photo with her new iPhone on her 50th birthday two weeks ago. Shortly before snapping the picture, she got a new hair-do, a nicer BMW, a chemical peel on her face, a third tattoo and a nose ring. She's afraid of getting old.

Several years ago, I was so taken with her care-free South Beach lifestyle that I decided I wanted to be just like her when I grew up. I wanted to work 20 hours a week while spending the rest of my time on perma-vacation in a city that never sleeps. I wanted a downtown condo and a $40k sports car owned free and clear with plenty of cash to spend in the shops on Lincoln Road and the restaurants on Ocean Drive. It didn't take me long to acquire the fancy pants car when I was dating a car dealer. However, not being able to afford the car and the downtown apartment, I gave it up at the lease end. I then used money saved to eventually get my expensive downtown apartment. I could walk to the park and the bars... and even to work if I wanted to. I'd downgraded from an Audi to a VW, but I still loved my car. I had nice things... and I was happy at first. However, the constant parties and noise from the neighbors began to wear thin on my patience and car vandalism reminded me that material possessions are just that... material and easy to fix or replace. I began to wonder if my mother who seemed to have it all was lonely or unhappy despite her and her hubby taking at least three tropical vacations a year and purchasing every new electronic toy to hit the market. i knew that I was. I knew I was missing something.

When my mother found out that I was pregnant, she was distant. I could tell that the reality of her age was hitting her pretty hard. I wondered if our growing relationship would hit a standstill. Then she surprised me. While she did make a number of changes regarding her appearance, she's done something I did not expect. She's embraced being a grandmother. On Thanksgiving, my heart nearly melted as I saw her holding Jackson, talking to and doting on him. I smiled at Jason as if to say, "This is all I've ever wanted from my family".

Starting a life with Jason and having a son has made me realize what was missing before... and I think that Jackson has also shown my mother what she's been without. Who knew that I'd be all grown up before my mother? Who knew that perhaps it was my life that was inspiring my mother to grow?

As I sit in my new suburban neighborhood with my husband-to-be and my chubby baby, I am strongly considering trading in my beloved turbo charged hatchback for a family sedan as soon as I've been at my new job long enough. Anyone who knows me knows that this is saying a lot.