...That's What She Said

A couple of weeks ago I was shopping for Christmas party dresses with Amy (before I decided I wasn't going to one). As we were leaving Ross, it started to pour. Not wanting to damage the new dresses, Amy ran out into the storm as I held the bag safely beneath the store front over-hang. At the same time, a young mother and her two daughters were faced with the same dilemma of wanting to keep their new clothing dry. The girls, both in the 7 to 10 year old range, were making it rather apparent that they believed the downpour to be that of acid rain. Their mother gave me a side glance while shaking her head, then dashed to her sedan, splashing across the puddle filled pavement. Since Amy takes about forever to get anywhere, including from one side of a parking lot to another, I was able to continue watching the entertainment brought to me courtesy of the little girls made of sugar.. or rather, anything not resistant to acid. The mom pulled up, facing the opposite direction so that she wasn't right up to entrance and stopped at the stop sign. The girls screamed and stamped their feet in an attempt to get her to go around and pull up to them curbside, but the mother just looked at them, looked and me and giggled. When they finally decide to brave the rain, they found that the driver's side back door was locked, and as they ran to the other side of the car, one yelled to her mother, "Now you're just being mean!" Their mother, still laughing, made eye contact with me and found that I was chuckling along with her. How did she know that I would find all of this amusing? How did she know that I wouldn't give her a dirty look for being a horrible parent? Perhaps I just have that look... perhaps she just knew that that's exactly the type of mom I'll be some day... you know, the kind that gives her kid a Swiffer as a toy to trick them into cleaning the kitchen floor. Yup... that's going to be me. (And that was for you, Bexxx!)

On a completely opposite note, there's definitely still a bit of kid left in me. I don't know if this stems from a lack of having much fun as a child, but I still find myself hopping in elevators. I can never remember if you're supposed to hop up when the elevator begins going up... or going down... to get that little gravity jolt in your stomach... so I just do it all the time. Mostly when I catch an elevator alone, but sometimes when an uptight person in a suit is staring at the wall in an effort to make me invisible. I also still say "meep" on occasion when I push the elevator buttons.

What was next on my list? Oh yes... this one was a bit work related. Maribel kept an updated list of department employee's birthdays and what type of cake they prefer. One co-worker (who was mentioned in my previous blog) listed the following as her preference: "Lemon Mirage Pie". I asked if that was a dietary choice, as in a pie that wasn't really there. I found myself very funny that day.

Snippet number seven was also work related. Beverly, the one who always makes us laugh unintentionally, was loudly announcing to the rest of us that she didn't think it would be tacky if she wore stockings with open toed dress shoes to the holiday party this year. We all assured her that it would. She replied that she would just have to find some toe-less hose. While walking through the office back to her desk, she then very audibly repeated at least 15 times in as many minutes, "Gotta find me some toe-less hose, gotta find me some toe-less hose, gotta find me some toe-less hose, etc." Out of context, I found her very funny that day.

Recently, as in within the last few months, I fell in love with Publix yogurt. However, I'm beginning to wonder if there's some trick to opening said yogurt. Without fail, EVERY single time I peel the foil seal from the top of the container, I am splattered with yogurt droplets. Once, it got in my eye. I know how this all sounds, but I'm not going to go there. Anyway, my point is that I'm severely torn between my love of the inexpensive, yet incredibly delicious fruit on the bottom delight and the hate of getting gooey crap all over my shirt and face. I suppose sometimes you just have to deal with the mess when something's that good.

To end this blog, I'm going to leave out ten and eleven because the first isn't that funny and the latter will make an excellent stand alone entry... and finish with number nine: "stapled crotch". I have a tendency not to buy myself new work clothes very often. Professional attire just isn't fun to shop for. The pants that were caught in my bike chain a couple of months ago are still ripped at the cuff and still worn. This could very well be a part of my life that I need to change. I received a pair of copper colored dress pants for Christmas... in 2003. I was wearing them the other week, as I have every week for the past four years. At approximately 2:00 P.M. I reached down into my bottom filing drawer and happened to catch a glimpse of something aqua in color. That something was my underwear. My pants finally gave up their will to live and split at the seam from the zipper down. You'd think that this was horrible luck.... but no, this is the second time in three years that this has happened to me at work. This is the second time that I've chosen to wear fluorescent blue panties on the fateful day and the second time I've had to spend fifteen minutes in the bathroom with a stapler, wondering how many co-workers noticed my taste in colorful under garments. Who lets that happen twice? Who continues to buy bright blue underwear? Me... that's who. I think I should just buy some blue pants.

That my friends, is the last of my 2007 snippets. It's also the last blog of that office's amusing stories. Due to our slow economy, I was laid-off from work last Tuesday. I don't want anyone to feel badly though, the severance package they offered me will get me through the holidays and as long as I am working again by the end of January, all will be well. Until then, look forward to blogs related to holidays and happiness!