...That's What She Said

Sometimes the universe throws obstacles in your path that you cannot quite figure out the best way to get around.

Sometimes you climb to the top of one only to discover that once you make your way down safely and continue on your path... you're just going to have to start clawing your way up the side of another one.

Even better still, sometimes you get to what you think is the top, but it turns out to be a dead end... and you've got to stumble back down the way you came and then figure out a better way to get to the other side.

I suppose if life weren't challenging, I'd take what I do have for granted and never grow as a human being... but that doesn't make it any easier to keep going sometimes.

One of the multiple obstacles that I've found myself puzzling over lately is the confusion that is also known as the relationship that I have with my mother. It doesn't seem fair that I have to feel like the mom, the responsible one, the supportive one... while the actual mother is living life like she's 18 again. For one, I've only known her for a few years and it's not like I had a mother around when I was going through my actual stupid phase. Then there's the fact that her husband's ashes are barely cold and she's living it up. If he were a bad guy, I'd understand, but he was a sweet, lovely man and they were married over 20 years. Watching him die broke my heart. I find it hard to continue hiding my disapproval behind fake support and encouragement. I cannot help but dislike the fact that she's spending life insurance money like she won the lottery, calls her new "boy toy" her "soul mate" and when I do have phone contact, it's a voicemail letting me know that she just got her first tattoo. I'm putting off the return phone call because I'm really at a loss for what to say and do. Perhaps deep inside I have a fear that if I try to make her face her problems, she'll just run from them (and me) just like she did 26 years ago. I have my own problematical life to figure out, so trying to figure out hers, too may be a bit much for me to handle... I'm tempted just to sweep all emotions under the rug and wake up tomorrow with a counterfeit smile.