...That's What She Said

Perhaps it’s not simply other peoples’ perception that I’ve turned into a mom and become a bore. Maybe I have been one lately, not that I don’t have the best excuse, but still... I haven’t even been able to think of much to write about and if you know me at all, you know that’s a strange occurrence. The best blog idea I’ve had in months was about all the pet hair I found inside the cuff of a pair of my dress pants. Don’t worry, I didn’t write about it, nor will I. As Harvey Danger sang, “If you’re bored, then you’re boring,” and I have been (when not busy with family). Sometimes, I am so focused on my boys at home, that I’ve had little time to notice… but there are other times when it’s blindingly obvious, like when my mind wanders from the work piling up on my desk, while sitting in my car at traffic lights and that hour or two between when Jackson goes to bed (the first time) and when I begin to fall asleep on the couch while Jason’s at work. Honestly, I can’t blame it completely on moving an hour away from my friends. Part of it really is me. Until a few days ago, I’d completely stopped listening to music at the office since my iPod died and my new one won’t sync to my computer. I decided to take a chance and stream indie music from the internet and have slowly started to feel my spirit rise. Sometimes you don’t fully realize how important something is to you until you’ve let it go and you take the time to rediscover it. Sure, my profile page is filled with “music this and music that, blah, blah, blah,” but I wrote all that years ago and have only modified it slightly as time has passed. I never in a million years would have thought that it would be something that became out of sight, out of mind… but it kind of did. While I feel it in my core that Jason and Jackson should take priority in my life, my temporary distance from music has frightened me and I know that I cannot lose myself completely in them. My existence feeling stagnant is temporary and once the baby begins sleeping through the night on a regular basis, I know I’ll feel less run down. Meanwhile, in addition to Jackson’s rock-a-bye baby cds (renditions of U2, The Beatles and Coldplay in lullaby format), I’m once again discovering new bands and falling in love with old songs all over again. The girl who once listened to her music collection on party shuffle 24 hours a day, during sleep, drives and work… is not that far removed from where I am now. Instead of staring out the window at the ocean and wondering why I’m bored, I’m catching up on some files and focusing on my work to the beat of bands like Klaxons, White Rabbits, Delta Spirit and (ironically) Office. At the same time, the notes have been stirring my heart strings and reminding me of the reasons why I fell in love with Jason… and why I’ve always had so much fun with my friends. Music has always been the glue that pieced the people and events in my life together… and as I danced around the room to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah while getting Jackson ready for his bath the other night, I saw how happy it made him, too. Part of me can’t wait for him to be old enough to take to his first rock concert… but until then, I think Jason’s got an acoustic gig at a local bar coming up and I also have a show at The Social to look forward to tomorrow night. I’m so anxious to be front row to live music again after being on a half year hiatus… and it’s going to feel flipping fantastic to stop being such a snore!