...That's What She Said

I'm not right about everything in life. That would make me perfect, and no human being comes close. Proof lies in the fact that it took four trips to Home Depot last weekend to buy the right sized parts needed for a project. However, I do appear to be consistently right when it comes to matters of the heart. My best friend from high school would gladly vouch for me. Whenever she was involved with someone & asked for my honest opinion, I shared it with her... and sadly, she'd call months later to advise me that I'd been correct.

For a time, I thought my "gift" only applied to others, that I could only foresee the outcomes due to being a third party. Earlier this year, the aforementioned best friend pointed out that I'd been right every time about my own affairs. I was shocked. I recalled telling her exactly what was going to happen in my five year relationship a good year before it did. Following that, a friendship turned "attempted dating relationship" failed for the reasons I'd told her about before the dating even began. Then there was the rich, Hollywood type record producer... before the first date, I told my friend my main concern, which ended up being the reason for that not working out after a mere three weeks. With these three examples, I apparently chose to forget what it was that I'd shared with her, pursue the interest, try to focus on the positive, and then be smacked in the face with the reality of the exact scenario that I'd already predicted... but had stupidly ignored.

"You know where I come from
You know what I feel
You're Yul Brenner Westworld
Reporting from the field.
I threw it into reverse,
Made a motion to repeal...

I told you I wanted to be wrong,
But everyone is humming a song
That I don't understand...

Destroy the things that I don't understand."

- R.E.M.

Edited notes:

Everything written above is a long winded way of saying that I have good insight... the judgments I make upon first meeting a person, friend, co-worker or otherwise rarely ever change. The problem I encountered at the time of writing this was that my intuition was telling me opposite things simultaneously. I do not understand how that is possible, but it was and is happening. Being a pessimist at heart, I zeroed in on the negative and allowed it to consume me. I am sure that feeling haunted by nostalgia for several days prior didn't help. After having the chance to wrap my mind around the concept a little more, I've decided that I don't have the answers. The only thing I know for a fact is that I'm feeling... I'm experiencing life... being alive. This state of being is a rarity in my life, as I have traditionally suppressed my ability to fully immerse myself in everything around me the way that I am doing now. I am enjoying every fearful thought of what may lie ahead, every shared moment, every connection of mind, soul and body that I am able to make. Rather then hoping my initial worry is wrong, rather then focusing on my accuracy in the past, my goal is to live in the now... eyes, open, not taking a single minute for granted... open to all possibilities. It is this course of action that I feel will best help me not to destroy the things that I don't understand.